It's a brand new day

I went to the doctor's today, and let's just say that although all was well, I was NOT happy with what the scale said.  I actually squeezed my eyes shut and hoped the nurse wouldn't say that number out loud... but she did.

And then I realized, I only have myself to blame.  I'm a picker and a dipper - not a great combination.  My coworkers think I eat healthy because I bring my lunch almost every single day, and often it's some sort of salad.  But what they don't see is how much I pick on things - the chips that are out for Drink Cart Friday, the cupcakes for someone's birthday, the leftover sandwiches in the conference room, the pizza we ordered because it's Thursday, or the pretzels left on the counter because someone didn't want them.  No matter how much I plan out my food for the day, there is almost always some sort of temptation at work just calling my name.  This is a picture from one of my first days at work when I was consciously trying to be healthy.  But since then... well, we recently had a day we nicknamed "Fat Friday" because we were ordering bad, delicious lunch and accompanying treats.  Someone has a candy jar and she often adds Smarties because she knows they're my favorite.  We celebrate birthdays once a month, and with that comes cupcakes, ice cream, pizza, and/or cookies... not to mention how much booze is around.  We drink because we won new business, because it's Friday (quite literally - we have one hour every Friday where there is a physical cart with every type of alcohol you can imagine) So I said to myself today - THIS HAS TO STOP.

I don't exercise.  I belonged to a gym for over two years and it was like throwing my paycheck down the drain.  I went maybe once a month, twice if I attended a Zumba class.  I just don't like exercising at the gym. It's not fun.  If I'm going to walk, I'd rather have a destination than stare at red blinking numbers telling me how far I've "walked" and counting the seconds until I can finish.  Weights have always intimidated me so I rush through them and don't get a proper workout.  I'm going to try - which is a lot more than I've ever committed to - to doing some at-home exercises to get me started.  Perhaps during the summer I'll even - gasp - make it to the track.

First and foremost, I don't think I have any idea what I'm putting in my mouth.  I used to belong to Weight Watchers.  It was a great way of keeping track of what I was eating, it definitely helped with portion control, but in the end I was too concerned about how a tablespoon of peanut butter at 1pm was going to impact me at 11:30 that night.  I lost sight of the point - keeping healthy by making portions small and making better decisions.  I would skimp on breakfast and lunch to have points left at night and then never end up eating them. So I got bitter about having to save those points, and with the whole thing, and I did a complete 180.  I scarfed down food as if I'd never eaten before - day after day.  I saw the weight coming back on, but I just didn't care. I was living my life the way I wanted to without limiting myself.  Mind you, I was still making healthy choices.  But I didn't care if I ate French fries every day, either.  As long as they were accompanied by a salad.  And portion control? Forget it. I actually could sit down and eat half a bag of pretzels - as long as I had something (salsa, salsa con queso, peanut butter, ranch dressing, guacamole, you name it) to dip it in.  So the point of this long-winded paragraph: I'm starting a food diary.  I am holding myself accountable for every day, but I am only recording the weekdays.  Weekends are often crazy and it's hard to plan and write down meals.  I resolve here and now to make healthy choices and be cognizant of what goes in my mouth, especially on the weekends.  I'm not counting calories, points, fat, carbs, or anything like that because it will make me crazy.  I will look at them and decide on a case by case basis if it's worth it.  I am hoping this helps me to stop picking mindlessly and to make better choices about what I do eat.  This is not to say I will never eat fried foods or any kind of junk food. I know I will. I'm not going to stop it; I'm going to limit it.

I am going to be a healthier person.

Today:
Smart Ones Breakfast Quesadilla with ketchup
Carrots with hummus
String cheese
Pretzel rod (1)
Pita
  Salsa
  Sour cream
  Lettuce
  Black beans
  Chicken
  Avocado
  Jalapenos
  Red onions
French fries (handful)
3 cookies
Chicken (baked)
Potatoes with salsa

Exercise:
20 jumping jacks
2 wall sit/leg raises (10 seconds each)
20 sit ups
10 sit up/roll downs
10 leg side to sides